Missing wings
by eightfifty
Summary: When the angels fell, how much did their lives actually change? How much faith can a creature keep after being forced out of its home? Tatiana is still holding on, still hoping that God will return. Is hope enough to get her through? Or will she need a little assistance? Rated T because I tend to swear a lot.
1. Excuse me, Alice, did I land on you?

I watched every angel fall. I watched my brothers leave the home they'd had longer than humans had had Earth. And, as I watched, that was the first time I cried.

Sad didn't even begin to explain how I felt. I was angry and disappointed and uncomfortable and I didn't know who with, but I was. I was confused, mostly. I'd always loved. Always, before that moment, but I'd never felt these other emotions that were bombarding my mind.

I suppose I never actually loved, like humans do. Humans love each other and dogs and cats and things, and Castiel loved bees, it's beautiful, really. While I was enamored with such things and I cared for my brothers, maybe I did not love them. Perhaps I was as indifferent to them as my brothers.

But I did care for them, and that was enough. They were, well, they were dicks, but I cared about them because they were my brothers. While I never fought in heaven, they did, and half of them enjoyed it. Some of them enjoyed slaying their family, leaving their home in shambles. Yeah, they were dicks.

Swearing was new to me. It wasn't something you did in heaven, and as an angel in suppose I shouldn't have started doing it on Earth. There were lots of things like that. I didn't eat in heaven, I shouldn't eat on Earth. I didn't sleep in heaven, I shouldn't do it on Earth. I wasn't proud in heaven, I shouldn't be proud on Earth. That was a simple thing, though. Pride was a sin and that was still off limits.

"Hello?" I called out, my voice hoarse from already doing so. "Anybody?"

There was a rustling in the bushes, a squirrel or something, probably. I looked at the bush carefully, walking past it with a steady precision. I walked, and walked, and walked and then walked a little more and then-

What's this?

What was that feeling in my stomach. It was strange, it hurt and it made me feel weak. I kept moving forward, and tried to forget about it, but I couldn't. It bothered me for three more miles before I finally found anything.

"Hello?" I called again.

It had been almost a week since the angels fell. I'd been homeless almost a week. I hadn't eaten, hadn't slept. I wouldn't have lasted but two more weeks at most. My hands trembled with either of two plagues, but I couldn't tell which. All I knew was that I shouldn't feel either. Angels don't eat. Angels don't sleep.

But I wasn't an angel anymore. Just a person. An ordinary, twenty year old girl who eats and sleeps and can't fly. And who doesn't know how to use a phone, cook anything, or operate a microwave. I'm not even sure I knew how to eat.

Perhaps it was fear that made my hands tremble. I was definitely afraid. Of what, I wasn't sure. But there was no doubt that I was scared.

"Somebody?" I pleaded with an empty looking house. "Anybody?"

The house was big, and looked pretty beaten up. Yellow siding was missing in some places and just dirty in others, one window was broken and boarded up, and the rail around the front porch was hanging away from itself. I almost felt sorry for the house before I remembered that one, the house can not feel, and two, _I _should not feel.

"Who are you?" a man asked as he approached me with a gun.

I looked from him, to the gun, to him again. I'd always been fascinated with humans. It was like a hobby, watching them and learning about them. I watched them with the same interest, though, that one might watch a giant poisonous spider with. I viewed them as dangerous, and I must have been right if they were the reason Lucifer had gone into the cage.

I never fully understood what happened, as I was created shortly afterward. I heard about it many times, people supporting him or telling me not to be like him. People told me the story and expected me to piece everything together, but I had questions. If God's angels were perfect, then why create humans? Is that why Lucifer did what he did? Because he didn't understand?

Does that mean I'm just like him? I mean, I know I didn't exactly help, but I was hoping that we would prevail. It must seem ironic, to hear of an angel hoping for anything, but I did. Maybe I am like him. Maybe I never really was a 'good little soldier.' The thought scares me. I had always been loyal to my father. Even when he was gone, I thought he would come. I hoped he would. Because I believed in him. I had faith.

I swallowed dryly before calling out to him again. "M- My name is Tatiana. P- Please put the gun down."

"What do you want?" he asked.

I looked at him again for almost a minute before I fully realized who he was. Dirty blonde hair, jade eyes, a gun? Who else could it be? (I now realize it could have been many other people.)

"You're Dean- Dean Winchester!" I breathed a sigh of relief.

It was his turn to look at me strangely, now. "What do you want?"

"I am- used to be an angel. A friend of Castiel's!" I pleaded, putting my hands up to show I had no weapon. "Is Castiel here? May I speak with him?"

He stared at me with a cold looking expression. Maybe it wasn't him. It probably wasn't. It was probably just some lookalike wanting to be famous. Of course it wouldn't be him. You can't just _find _Sam and Dean Winchester. People just don't get that lucky.

"Come in."


	2. There's stuff people need, like alcohol

"Castiel, is that you?" I asked, rushing to his side.

He looked beaten, not physically, but mentally, and that hurt more. I heard he was working with Metatron. I heard Metatron tricked him into doing what he did. He must've. I knew Castiel and I knew he wouldn't have done any of it if he didn't think he was helping.

He didn't even glance at me. I couldn't even begin to comprehend all that he must have been feeling. Anger, guilt, sadness, all balled up into one.

"It's me, Castiel," I said softly.

I doubted he would recognize me. He'd never seen my vessel. I think I chose well with my vessel. She was a kind person, very pretty, and she even prayed for it. She asked for something different, she wanted to be something more important than just a college student. Plus, she dressed nicely.

"Won't you even guess who I am?" I asked.

I wanted him to know it was me. I wanted him to see me and remember that I was there for him, that I always had been.

I sat back on my heels, feeling self conscious for the first time. What if he didn't like my vessel? What if he didn't think she was pretty? Or, rather, that I was. I pushed a piece of her, now my, blonde her out of my vision, leaning back on the soles of my gray sneakers.

"I'll give you a hint," I offered. "It starts with T."

He looked up at me, and I could see all of his emotions. It was in his eyes, all the disappointment and anger and frustration, I could see it all in each of his blue eyes.

"Tatiana?" he asked, hope sparking amongst all the darkness.

I nodded, smiling as he studied my face. I took the chance to admire the once Jimmy Novak as well. It was strange to think that so much could be contained in an earthly body. Last time we'd seen each other, both were in our true forms. The time before that was in Rome, and under much happier circumstances.

"Are you okay?" I asked, putting the back of my hand to his forehead as I'd seen humans do. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," he said, though rather unconvincing.

He was definitely not fine. He was probably hurting and he just wasn't telling me. Why would he not tell me? That only worried me more.

"Castiel don't you lie to me. Where are you hurt?" I demanded, taking on a tone I'd heard mothers use.

"Everywhere?" he said, looking at the ceiling.

I looked him up and down frantically. "What do you need?"

"Alcohol," he tried.

I nodded, going off in search of it. I, personally, had never had alcohol. Being an angel and whatnot. But that's what he said he wanted, and he was the one in pain. The floorboards creaked and moaned as I walked through the house.

When I passed a mirror, I stopped to look at what was now me. Blonde hair covered in mud and soot, scrapes all over from walking in the woods. It didn't hurt as much now as the general soreness from walking for a week straight, but they stung quite a bit. My white shirt was covered in mud, too, as we're my jeans an tank top. I was just all around muddy.

Not long after I resumed my search for liquor, I, quite literally, bumped into Dean.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked suspiciously.

"Castiel requires alcohol," I stated.

He pointed me toward a room with an open door and continued walking. In the room was a stove, obviously never used, and a fridge. The fridge was stocked with only four things: cheese, ham, lettuce, and an abundance of alcohol. I took a bottle of something, I'm not sure what, and left.

I found my way back far easier than my way there, taking at least three less turns and looking in two less doors.

"Castiel?" I called to the sleeping man.

There was no doubt that he hated sleep as much as I did, but the human body is terribly annoying and does whatever it pleases. As much as I hated the idea, I would have to sleep too sometime.

So, I figured, I'd seen a lot of bad stuff in my day. Done a lot of bad things on orders. There was no doubt I would have nightmares. I took a deep breath and set the bottle down beside him, sitting at his other side. I laid my head on his shoulder and fell asleep easily.

* * *

**Hello there friends! **_  
_

**Okay so I'm actually like really sick right now, I think I have the flu or something which is kind of weird for August. The only thing I can do all day is write, so I probably have every chapter that I want to write already written. That means that most likely there will be a chapter like everyday.**

**Thanks for reading! Please review or follow or favorite or whatever you want to do.**


	3. Welcome to the life of a modern hero

When I woke, Castiel's eyes were open. He looked between the door and I, obviously contemplating whether he should stay or leave. I hoped he would stay. After a moment of silence, Dean introduced his voice.

"Are you hungry or anything?" he asked, appearing in front of the doorway.

I moved my head from Castiel's shoulder quickly, wishing that maybe he hadn't seen. It wasn't like we were 'making out' or whatever it's called, but it was affection nonetheless and it was inappropriate considering.I was surprised Castiel hadn't pushed me away.

I shook my head. No food. Angels don't eat. Even after I'd given my response, my stomach growled its own. There was no doubt that yes, I was hungry. That didn't mean I wanted to eat.

"You sure?" he persisted.

"I could eat," I admitted.

I wondered if Castiel would be so quick to give in. He stayed silent.

* * *

This was what human girls do for fun? Really? Well, I have to admit, it was pretty fun. Dean had decided that Castiel and I would need some new clothes.

"I'm content with these clothes," I protested. "I don't need new ones."

"Then what will you wear when you have to wash them?" he smirked.

I sighed before going back to looking at the rack. It was one of those big brand stores that teenagers shop at, and Castiel was in the only dressing room. I hadn't seen what he brought in, but I trusted it wouldn't be too outrageous. I was right.

He came out in a simple T-shirt and jeans. "Is this okay?" he asked Dean.

Dean was in charge of the whole operation. He decided what we got to buy and if it looked good or not. It would have been easier for me to buy anything if he didn't say that _every _outfit looked good.

"Yeah, not too bad. Alright your turn," he said, pointing to me.

When I got into the small room, I was surrounded by mirrors. It was a little creepy. I still took the chance to study how awkward this body was. Many human girls I'd seen had curves and we're _really _tan. I wasn't. My vessel was pale and thin, with long legs and visible ribs. I quickly dawned the clothes Dean had given me and admired them in the mirror. The jeans were skin tight just like my other ones and the shirt was a nice dark blue color that matched Castiel's tie. I pulled the necklace my vessel wore over the tank top and opened the door.

"Is this good?" I asked, though my question was more pointed at Castiel than Dean.

He just nodded before going back to the clothing rack. Dean, however was much more enthusiastic.

"Oh yeah," he grinned. "That one is awesome."

I felt heat rising in my cheeks as I went to put my regular clothes back on. I didn't really care what Dean thought, though. From what I'd heard, he'd 'hit on' anything that moved. I still wasn't sure what that meant.

* * *

The parking lot was pretty empty, only four or five people including us. That was okay though, I wasn't really up for a crowd.

Before we left the mall, Dean made us change back into his favorite clothes. Castiel wore regular jeans, a long sleeved shirt and of course, his coat. Dean made me wear the blue tank top and super skinny jeans.

"You guys hungry?" he asked.

I shook my head again, meaning it this time. Castiel, however, was apparently ready to eat.

"It's cold out," I stated. I didn't whine, I simply said something that was true.

"Cas, you heard the lady. Give her your coat," Dean nudged him with a grin on his face.

"No, I'm good. It's okay," I protested.

He proceeded to put the way too big trench coat around my shoulders.

"Too cute," Dean muttered.

* * *

**whoops really short chapter. Anyways, there will be links to the outfits that she wears on my profile because I get bored. Thanks ;***


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